Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
