So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so much tequila, so little girl.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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