why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
