Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
