This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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