DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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