This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
