I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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