I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
