He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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