Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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