She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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