I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
