Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
