No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
