It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
