My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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