I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
