we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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