I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
