Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He had one of those small greek statue penises
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
