I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize