Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i out mim tonsoeep
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
