I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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