I CAN MOONWALK!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
