whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize