Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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