why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
