just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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