I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
