Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
