Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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