Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
