just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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