While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
