I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
