So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
