He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
