One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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