Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
