Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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