cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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