Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
