He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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