The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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