Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
