i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
