Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
