so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
