NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize