Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
