I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
