I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize