my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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