Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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