whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize