This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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