haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
