i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
