.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
