remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
