can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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