Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
