Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
