Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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