dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
