Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
