I accidentally had phone sex last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
