that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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