Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
