What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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