I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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