A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
