if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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