guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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