ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
