He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
