1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
