the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
