just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize