My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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