I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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