k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The power of my boobs compel you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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