I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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