so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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