i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
