You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm too high and old for this...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
