Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
