@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
