Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like eating out sand paper
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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