1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just tell him i said nine months
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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