I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize