i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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