Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
