Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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